“He’s Just Not That Into You” or “If he’s not absolutely perfect, you deserve better.”

I wanted to really like this book. I really did.
The motive I think behind the writing of the book, was good and well-intentioned.
The target audience was women who think they are undate-able and terrible.
They need to be encouraged that they can find love, and don’t deserve to be mistreated.
I have no problem with a book that attempts to do that.

The problem is this: I would venture a guess that less than a third of the women who champion this book, need to live by it.

The rest of the women have taken away from this book the following:

1. All women are absolutely perfect.
2. As such, they deserve similar levels of perfection in all areas from man.
3. The instant a man makes ANY mistake at all, DUMP him, because you obviously deserve much better.

Some of the problems described are worth leaving over. He’s married. He’s abusive. He’s an alcoholic.

Others are ridiculous. So he called on Tuesday instead of Monday. He’s perfect in EVERY other way. And yet, for this one faux pas, he should be thrown away like garbage.

I don’t want to sound condescending or anything, but Men are not the only gender that have shortcomings.

Women aren’t perfect either. I know, shocking and controversial commentary. But it must be said.

Are women amazing? Often. Witty, Intelligent, Beautiful? Yep, Yep, Yep. Completely disarming with only a smile? All the time.

But without ANY flaws? Nope. No one is.

There’s this concept called Grace. It’s really swell. It’s actually a big component of Love.

But not according to this book. There is room for grace. Strict one-strike policies on ALL shortcomings.

It’s very discouraging to think that a whole generation of women found this book informative enough to make it a #1 best seller.

Try this maxim:

“He’s just not completely flawless, whether or not he is that into you; And to be fair, you’re not perfect either.”

Love is about loving and putting another person first and overlooking their shortcomings.

One decent book says “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” It’s a best-seller too.

This is one rare instance where the movie was, in fact, WAY better than the book.


2 thoughts on ““He’s Just Not That Into You” or “If he’s not absolutely perfect, you deserve better.””

  1. To reassure you, your best girl friends play “Hitch or Ditch” on a regular basis to keep each other in line with the reality that all people have quirks and flaws and most of those things are not reason enough to “Ditch” if generally most other areas of his life line up with wisdom and scripture.

    Just sayin’. Not all women are living in crazy land.

    For other truths, please see that second book you mentioned.

  2. Hmm.

    This is a very thoughtful post. I, too, read the book and have a different feeling about it. I read it about a year ago and, although I didn’t agree with everything he had to say, overall found it very refreshing.

    I feel like the jist of the book was about getting obsessive girls to stop obsessing so much. It’s easy for girls to become so anxious trying to figure out “if he likes me” and even convincing ourselves that he MUST like me because of that thing he did. And then when he doesn’t call for four days, we make excuses for him and then hang on to the dream.

    I think the point is that “Yes, you’re great, and he might be great, too. But if he doesn’t call, or doesn’t ask you out, or doesn’t commit, then he’s probably just not that into you. And that’s ok. It’s alright to keep looking.”

    I liked this because it took so much pressure off, somehow. I became much more relaxed when it came to dating. I let things happen, and didn’t get upset when some things didn’t.

    However, I think sometimes I still struggle to find the balance. When things do start to get serious, there is a point when “he’s just not that into you” doesn’t work. There is too much invested and a hard conversation might need to happen.

    So anyway. I see your side. But overall, I think the book was encouraging to girls who’ve mostly felt the way I have: wondering, obsessing, about if the guy likes me or not.

    Furthermore, and relating to my own thoughts, I’ve come to believe that marriage isn’t about having a perfect person that meets everything on the “list.” Who cares about the list? You can get by with much much less than the list, because quite frankly, we are all lacking. All you really need is someone who loves you, complements you, and commits to you. You marry by choice, afterall.

    That is all. :)

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