“If I get a girlfriend, I would love her more than this [Applebees].” – Crob
“I’m wearing boots and a spur.” – Zac
“Peace with God is a special f***ing request.” – Dante
“She’s not just hot, her spirit is hot.” – Drew Allen, on Kim Walker.
“Crob gets what Crob wants, except when it comes to women… or money… or Apple products… aw, *#%! my life sucks…” – Crob
“Well if he’s gonna do that, I’ll just do it for him myself…” – Ruth
“My bellybutton smells like butt. does that ever happen to you?” – Zac
“You like snakes? That’s hot.” – Matt
“It’s like I have someone stuck in my mouth.” – Cassie
Come back Crob, I’m fully extended! – Patrick
“I could hook up with any girl in the world right now except Keyla, and it wouldn’t be worth it.” – Zac
Oh, by the way, I’ve used ‘foreplay’ a couple of times. – Damien
“You can call our marriage a lot of things: hot maybe, crazy, unstable, but never boring…” – Matt
“I’m so glad I have awesome taste in music!” – Santos
“I’m a linguistic” -Crob
“Words are the key to lyrics.” – Zac
“Gosh! I don’t even know what my heaven-beer would be!” – Hannah
“I don’t like stupid and predictable jokes… what is the antonym for ‘wit’?” – Noah
“Hot Spanish women are hot.” – Shane
“You live and you learn, and you go home and *ahem* alone.” – Drew
Crob: I think I want a beer
Zac: a what?
Crob: a flavored lemonade.
The serious ones:
“Don’t. lose. f**king. hope.”
“Keeping promises you make to yourself is a key to living the life you always talk about living” – Drew Allen
“The world’s all about money now; it used to be all about love.” – 8 year old at Disney
“A lifetime of honor is built one wise decision at a time.” – Drew Allen
“If they would call themselves Christ-likes instead of Christians, maybe it would remind them to act like Jesus.” – Bill Maher
The anonymous ones (consider yourself warned):
“God gave us rhythm in our penises.” (Ed. Note: This is not me. Promise.)
“I learned the “C” word when I was 7.”
“I would kill that long-haired bastard… he does have really nice hair, I’ll admit.”
“Don’t hit that fat ****”
“Baller… balling… balls.”
“Jesus, please forgive me. I’m not drunk.”
“I’ve never really wanted to have anal sex because… i figure it would probably hurt.”
“You guys wanna hear the cutest thing? … f**k you guys!”
“I have a really great imagination, which by the way is how I can *ahem* without looking at *ahem*.”
“I just have to ask: what is ‘c***blocking?’”
“I don’t think animals enjoy anal sex.”
“So, I’m a woman, I don’t have a prostate… so , I don’t know what you’re stimulating, but it’s not my prostate.”