thoughts upon passing another mile marker on the road trip that is life.

Well, I’m 28. This one really does feel pretty old.

But then again, I don’t feel that old. I feel as young as I feel (Crob quote).

Perfectly Lonely by John Mayer is definitely something like an anthem to me on this birthday.

Honestly, I don’t much mind being single at all. I kinda need it this way.

I am starting to really fight myself. and I’m gonna win. Wisdom. Discipline. Perseverance. These are my weapons.

I’m still planning to meet my new year’s goals. I’m quite far from them. But i’m confident that I will be able to meet them. I need to remember them though. I think it was 200 lbs. debt in half. I would like to be doing pull ups by the end of the year.

I want to be living simpler that’s for sure. I guess what I’m considering at this point is more of a cocoon stage. for lack of a less lame thing to call it.

There are many things I’m behind on in life, as I see it. I know we are all works in progress, and I get that. But there are a number of things about myself that I want to change, and I definitely want/need to change them on my own, more severely, as opposed to changing them over decades, as I enjoy my life along the way. Nothing against the latter, but I’m behind on time as it is. I’m 24/25 year old trapped in a 28 year old body. An overweight one at that.

My weight is one of those challenges I’m going to beat. I could be a billionaire world famous drummer with a hot wife and 3 beautiful children, but if I still looked like I do now, I would not consider myself at all a success, and I certainly wouldn’t be very happy in life.

A friend of mine recently said, paraphrased, “Big is not beautiful.” Now, I’m not at all a proponent of society’s super skinny standard of beauty. Women can be beautiful without being a size 00. However, for guys and girls alike, for us to just give up on the battle, and just say,”well, i’m still attractive in many ways…”, that’s still giving up. And giving up is very unattractive.

It’s not about looks any MORE than it is about being active and healthy. I want to canoe. I want to climb mountains. I want to not sweat profusely at the slightest expenditure of energy, like playing drums for 10 minutes, or visiting a 3rd floor apartment via stairs. I want to play basketball and be decent at it, or at least not come close to death while playing. I want to run a 5K. a 10K. Maybe even a marathon. I want to bike ride and it not be exhausting. I want to be in shape. I want to live a long, healthy life.

None of that has to do with my appearance, but it all has to do with losing a lot of weight I now have. For anyone to reject the last paragraph for being happy with their current health/weight status, and say it’s about not giving into hollywood’s anorexic model standards, needs to re-evaluate.

Hell, I want to look good naked, layer of man-fur notwithstanding.

But I digress. There’s plenty more than my health.

I want to be wise with my money. I want to save a lot more of it. I want to pay off debts.

I want to be the best damn drummer in Gainesville. Florida. The Southeast. The country. Not the fastest, or have the most gospel chops, or the fastest blast-beat pedaling, or have the most drum endorsements, or play for the most bands.

But be the best drummer. playing what’s best for the song, with the best amount and style of embellishment every time, with the best sense of tempo, with or without click, with well-tuned equipment, with the best attitude. Real humility, not false humility. Dropping beats instead of names. Playing with confidence, not cockiness. Being the best to work with, prompt, prepared, patient.

As a person, as a man, I want to have character. Integrity. I want to be the kind of person, not just that people want to have around, but that people can count on. I want to say yes to things less, but mean it so much more when I say it. I want my level of effort to match my level of loyalty to things I care about. I want to get rid of my temper. I want to be slow to anger, and more controlled with my tongue when I am angry. I want people to feel encouraged and picked up after being around me. I want to be generous.

I want to be a real man, in this age where that is more and more rare and ambiguous. I want people who, when looking for a definition of what a man is, without quantification to be able to say “However you define it, Drew is one.”

I want to be able to grow and develop and solidify my faith. I want to be able to talk to people about my faith and things that matter without feeling dumb or apologetic. I want my character to be such that people aren’t shocked to find that I play drums at a church every Sunday. And I want the things I involve myself in be doing some kind of good in this world.

Obviously, talk is cheap. I want to be a lot different than I am. But, it’s not a pipe dream anymore. It’s happening. Victory in these different areas has been tasted, and I’m hungry for more. I’m gonna make it. I’m gonna do it. And if doing it means you might see less of me than you would normally want to, you can choose to support me in the short term and know that I’m becoming who I’m supposed to be, or you can want social satisfaction from me more than you want me to grow as a person. Your call. But I’ve decided where I’m going. It’s up to you whether or not you’re going with me.

PS I’m very grateful for being blessed with a community that is very supportive of my growth.

4 thoughts on “thoughts upon passing another mile marker on the road trip that is life.”

  1. I’m proud of you Drew, and proud to call you a friend. You have my support in achieving your dreams! I believe you will accomplish every single one. Happy belated birthday!

    -amanda

  2. Drew, this is great stuff. I see so much maturity and acceptance in you. You’re solid. You’re focused. You have much to give that will bless the woman that God will bring into your life at the best time possible.
    That comes from being 28 instead of 24. :)

    This is what I’m learning, and I’ll share it with you: Abandon yourself to God. Praise Him for every frustration, every delay in plans, every good thing and every difficult thing. Woohooo! He is dang Awesome and He will fill you with such joy that when you are playing the drums and at other times, you will be caught up in praise and lifted to the throne room of God.

    God bless you, Drew.

  3. so I don’t really know you that well, at all actually. BUT I stumbled upon this entry and I felt compelled to comment. It’s been a while since you wrote this, but i still feel the need to say this so I hope it still applies to you in some way. As a person who struggles with weight, let me tell you I feel the EXACT same way. For years I tried to focus on the ‘good’ aspects of myself and say that I was beautiful because of those things, but in reality all I saw was the fat. I didn’t want to just be beautiful, but I needed to be healthy and I needed to love myself. The only way that would happen is if I lost weight. So I started doing weight watchers and I have lost 30 lbs so far (with a lot more to go) and it has been the best decision of my life. Let me tell you, are you WORTH it. You have to change now because if you don’t do it when you’re young, you never will. You will change and you will do it because YOU want to. You have to wake up everyday and tell yourself that you’re worth it and you will make the change! You have to just go for it and don’t ever look back! It will be HARD WORK! trust me, it ain’t easy! And there will be times when you want to quit and just throw it all out the window because that donut or cheesecake looks SOO good and you just don’t want to go to the gym that day. We all have those days. But what I’ve learned is you can’t deprive yourself. You eat the donut and you move on. Tomorrow is a new day and you start back on track and decide once again that you are worth it. It is SO rewarding. When you get on that scale and see your hard work paid off. OH and another important thing is to make small goals and celebrate the little victories!

    Sorry, I just went on a rant and I don’t even know if you needed to hear that, but this is just something that is so close to my heart I just had to say something! Always remember that you’re worth it and you make the decisions when it comes to your body! So GO GET IT BOY! :)

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