“He’s Just Not That Into You” or “If he’s not absolutely perfect, you deserve better.”
I wanted to really like this book. I really did.
The motive I think behind the writing of the book, was good and well-intentioned.
The target audience was women who think they are undate-able and terrible.
They need to be encouraged that they can find love, and don’t deserve to be mistreated.
I have no problem with a book that attempts to do that.
The problem is this: I would venture a guess that less than a third of the women who champion this book, need to live by it.
The rest of the women have taken away from this book the following:
1. All women are absolutely perfect.
2. As such, they deserve similar levels of perfection in all areas from man.
3. The instant a man makes ANY mistake at all, DUMP him, because you obviously deserve much better.
Some of the problems described are worth leaving over. He’s married. He’s abusive. He’s an alcoholic.
Others are ridiculous. So he called on Tuesday instead of Monday. He’s perfect in EVERY other way. And yet, for this one faux pas, he should be thrown away like garbage.
I don’t want to sound condescending or anything, but Men are not the only gender that have shortcomings.
Women aren’t perfect either. I know, shocking and controversial commentary. But it must be said.
Are women amazing? Often. Witty, Intelligent, Beautiful? Yep, Yep, Yep. Completely disarming with only a smile? All the time.
But without ANY flaws? Nope. No one is.
There’s this concept called Grace. It’s really swell. It’s actually a big component of Love.
But not according to this book. There is room for grace. Strict one-strike policies on ALL shortcomings.
It’s very discouraging to think that a whole generation of women found this book informative enough to make it a #1 best seller.
Try this maxim:
“He’s just not completely flawless, whether or not he is that into you; And to be fair, you’re not perfect either.”
Love is about loving and putting another person first and overlooking their shortcomings.
One decent book says “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” It’s a best-seller too.
This is one rare instance where the movie was, in fact, WAY better than the book.
On the first essay in “Love and Living” by Thomas Merton
Disclaimer: I don’t disagree with Merton, nor is this an attempt to bash him at all. Merely my thoughts on the essay…
He seemed to make two points…
First, He likens the university experience to a monastic one, and I would concur. He also talks about how those two experiences are more about self-discovery than learning things, which I also agree with… but he describes self-discovery using a LOT of vague ambiguous philosophical terms like, [my very loose example/paraphrasing]:
Finding yourself isn’t finding yourself but finding the self that finds your self, and really that’s God finding your self for you and that you don’t actually “live” until that moment occurs unless you would describe that moment as yourself discovering you, which negates the self-discovery. And the whole finding yourself thing is really a single spark, a single moment in time, [which i actually do disagree with; I feel it's a process]
Also, the whole success thing he touches on… He stresses that we should reject success, but fails to define it, really. It seems the idea of “success” that he is rejecting is that which was allegedly put forth by some of his university experience, which was to get a high-paying job and be seen as very important to society… which in most respects I agree is not important to pursue in one’s own life as success. However, “success” is “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose”, which paints a very apathetic view of life wherein he is intentionally “running away from any success” as
I believe he puts it. To work toward failing every aim or purpose you ever have in life. Keep in mind the unhealthy definition of success I described earlier, he really never mentions or gets into, only stressing that he doesn’t want and even avoids “success.” He also tries (poorly, I feel) to stress that he is not saying that his unsuccess idea is his way of undermining the success concept (“winning by refusing to keep score”). I guess he spends a lot of time stressing what seems to be a fairly recognized truth among anyone who would be reading his book anyway. That being, “success” in life should not be about this ambitious, capitalistic, self-aggrandizement.
It wasn’t bad. Just, for the verbosity he chose to use, I expected more truth.
I am confident his subsequent essays will have more to learn, love and live from/in them.
Books and Music That Make You Dumb
Books and Music That Make You Dumb – Digits – WSJ.com.
Interesting article…
I need to check out Guster.
thanks berry long for sharing.