Sometimes I get the itch to go out for a drink thinking I might miss meeting the woman of my dreams, but then I realize the woman of my dreams isn’t at a bar at 12:36 on a Wednesday morning. No, the woman of my dreams is asleep in bed with her lame boyfriend she’s only now beginning to see is lame. Nice enough guy, but no passion or curiosity. It was cute when he called her babe at first but now it’s just lazy and distant sounding. The woman of my dreams just twitched in her sleep because I mentioned her. The woman of my dreams is not usually twitchy. The woman of my dreams likes Family Guy but doesn’t LOVE Family Guy. The woman of my dreams will engage in conversations that don’t necessarily cater to her in exchange for my moving quickly through the shop talk. The woman of my dreams has to be up at 7am. Maybe the woman of my dreams is at the gym, not the bar. I better get to bed.

link to John’s entry:
http://jhnmyr.tumblr.com/post/839361907/the-woman

But then again, I don’t feel that old. I feel as young as I feel (Crob quote).

Perfectly Lonely by John Mayer is definitely something like an anthem to me on this birthday.

Honestly, I don’t much mind being single at all. I kinda need it this way.

I am starting to really fight myself. and I’m gonna win. Wisdom. Discipline. Perseverance. These are my weapons.

I’m still planning to meet my new year’s goals. I’m quite far from them. But i’m confident that I will be able to meet them. I need to remember them though. I think it was 200 lbs. debt in half. I would like to be doing pull ups by the end of the year.

I want to be living simpler that’s for sure. I guess what I’m considering at this point is more of a cocoon stage. for lack of a less lame thing to call it.

There are many things I’m behind on in life, as I see it. I know we are all works in progress, and I get that. But there are a number of things about myself that I want to change, and I definitely want/need to change them on my own, more severely, as opposed to changing them over decades, as I enjoy my life along the way. Nothing against the latter, but I’m behind on time as it is. I’m 24/25 year old trapped in a 28 year old body. An overweight one at that.

My weight is one of those challenges I’m going to beat. I could be a billionaire world famous drummer with a hot wife and 3 beautiful children, but if I still looked like I do now, I would not consider myself at all a success, and I certainly wouldn’t be very happy in life.

A friend of mine recently said, paraphrased, “Big is not beautiful.” Now, I’m not at all a proponent of society’s super skinny standard of beauty. Women can be beautiful without being a size 00. However, for guys and girls alike, for us to just give up on the battle, and just say,”well, i’m still attractive in many ways…”, that’s still giving up. And giving up is very unattractive.

It’s not about looks any MORE than it is about being active and healthy. I want to canoe. I want to climb mountains. I want to not sweat profusely at the slightest expenditure of energy, like playing drums for 10 minutes, or visiting a 3rd floor apartment via stairs. I want to play basketball and be decent at it, or at least not come close to death while playing. I want to run a 5K. a 10K. Maybe even a marathon. I want to bike ride and it not be exhausting. I want to be in shape. I want to live a long, healthy life.

None of that has to do with my appearance, but it all has to do with losing a lot of weight I now have. For anyone to reject the last paragraph for being happy with their current health/weight status, and say it’s about not giving into hollywood’s anorexic model standards, needs to re-evaluate.

Hell, I want to look good naked, layer of man-fur notwithstanding.

But I digress. There’s plenty more than my health.

I want to be wise with my money. I want to save a lot more of it. I want to pay off debts.

I want to be the best damn drummer in Gainesville. Florida. The Southeast. The country. Not the fastest, or have the most gospel chops, or the fastest blast-beat pedaling, or have the most drum endorsements, or play for the most bands.

But be the best drummer. playing what’s best for the song, with the best amount and style of embellishment every time, with the best sense of tempo, with or without click, with well-tuned equipment, with the best attitude. Real humility, not false humility. Dropping beats instead of names. Playing with confidence, not cockiness. Being the best to work with, prompt, prepared, patient.

As a person, as a man, I want to have character. Integrity. I want to be the kind of person, not just that people want to have around, but that people can count on. I want to say yes to things less, but mean it so much more when I say it. I want my level of effort to match my level of loyalty to things I care about. I want to get rid of my temper. I want to be slow to anger, and more controlled with my tongue when I am angry. I want people to feel encouraged and picked up after being around me. I want to be generous.

I want to be a real man, in this age where that is more and more rare and ambiguous. I want people who, when looking for a definition of what a man is, without quantification to be able to say “However you define it, Drew is one.”

I want to be able to grow and develop and solidify my faith. I want to be able to talk to people about my faith and things that matter without feeling dumb or apologetic. I want my character to be such that people aren’t shocked to find that I play drums at a church every Sunday. And I want the things I involve myself in be doing some kind of good in this world.

Obviously, talk is cheap. I want to be a lot different than I am. But, it’s not a pipe dream anymore. It’s happening. Victory in these different areas has been tasted, and I’m hungry for more. I’m gonna make it. I’m gonna do it. And if doing it means you might see less of me than you would normally want to, you can choose to support me in the short term and know that I’m becoming who I’m supposed to be, or you can want social satisfaction from me more than you want me to grow as a person. Your call. But I’ve decided where I’m going. It’s up to you whether or not you’re going with me.

PS I’m very grateful for being blessed with a community that is very supportive of my growth.

I actually had pretty low expectations for Robin Hood as well. I mean, I was optimistic, but I’ve seen a few disappointing epic films in recent times. Clash of the Titans, Troy, Prince of Persia (unseen yet, but only technically, as I’ve seen the preview for a year and a half now), Beowulf, and Alexander are a few that were unable to match the hype and–(neologism alert)– “epicity”  their trailers exuded. So I wasn’t expecting much from it.

Was I wrong.

What a fantastic retelling of the folk tale of Robin Hood. Believable, love-to-hate-em-but-they’re-almost-cool-too enemies, beautiful but strong, emotionally pure but distant damsel/heroine. Ripley and Russell remain a knockout combination. I especially loved seeing Little John played by recently famous-from-LOST-guest-role Kevin Durand.

The story is great. The plot is one that keeps your attention from start to finish. The music is superb. Even the end credits are amazingly artistic. Time and money well spent.

The Ghost Writer.
This was very good. Excellent storytelling, compelling story. Reminded me of Hitchcock.

How to Train Your Dragon.
98% on Rotten Tomatoes, and it didn’t disappoint. Fantastic.

Clash of the Titans.
Not as legendary as I’d hoped for. But still entertaining and made me wanna work out.

She’s Out of My League.
Very good. Too close to home minus the hope it gave.

Alice in Wonderland.
Lighter and happier than I was expecting or hoping for.

Hot Tub Time Machine.
It’s no Hangover, but I’d put it even with Pineapple Express.

Green Zone.
Not a Bourne movie, but still great.

The Book of Eli.
Holy Crap. Best Christian movie I’ve ever seen.

Shutter Island.
Very impressive. Not as scary or disturbing as I feared it would be.

The problem is this: I would venture a guess that less than a third of the women who champion this book, need to live by it.

The rest of the women have taken away from this book the following:

1. All women are absolutely perfect.
2. As such, they deserve similar levels of perfection in all areas from man.
3. The instant a man makes ANY mistake at all, DUMP him, because you obviously deserve much better.

Some of the problems described are worth leaving over. He’s married. He’s abusive. He’s an alcoholic.

Others are ridiculous. So he called on Tuesday instead of Monday. He’s perfect in EVERY other way. And yet, for this one faux pas, he should be thrown away like garbage.

I don’t want to sound condescending or anything, but Men are not the only gender that have shortcomings.

Women aren’t perfect either. I know, shocking and controversial commentary. But it must be said.

Are women amazing? Often. Witty, Intelligent, Beautiful? Yep, Yep, Yep. Completely disarming with only a smile? All the time.

But without ANY flaws? Nope. No one is.

There’s this concept called Grace. It’s really swell. It’s actually a big component of Love.

But not according to this book. There is room for grace. Strict one-strike policies on ALL shortcomings.

It’s very discouraging to think that a whole generation of women found this book informative enough to make it a #1 best seller.

Try this maxim:

“He’s just not completely flawless, whether or not he is that into you; And to be fair, you’re not perfect either.”

Love is about loving and putting another person first and overlooking their shortcomings.

One decent book says “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” It’s a best-seller too.

This is one rare instance where the movie was, in fact, WAY better than the book.

Tell me that you’ll open your eyes.
Tell me that you’ll open your eyes

Community is an amazing show. It’s right up there with The Office for me right now.

I’d give up a toe to be 4 years younger right now.

I’m on xbox live: drewplaysdrums.

“She’s just not that into you if she’s disappeared on you.” THAT’s a double-edged sword. Both edges hurt, though.

That’s all for now. Random, right?

Crob & Drew go to Sonburst 09 from Drew Allen on Vimeo.

My band (www.moodhosa.com) was recently mentioned in the Gainesville SCENE magazine, the second time this has occurred. This time, we really got a pretty glowing review…

The Link:
http://www.gainesville.com/article/20100225/COLUMNISTS/2251002/1027/entertainment?p=2&tc=pg&tc=ar

I can’t tell you how much it built me up to read the following words from the article:

They get my vote for best rhythm section in Gainesville, with Drew Allen and Ashley Wilkinson holding down the driving, primal rhythms. They play their instruments like they’re extensions of their bodies, like they were born to keep a beat. – Dante Lima, Gainesville Sun

It just feels good to have your passion recognized, especially by someone who is A) in the press and B) a musician himself.

It means a lot and it inspires me to not to give up on my dream.

To Dante, many humble thanks.

And to Dumptruck,
“We’re gonna pull through.” – Over The Rhine

I’ve been in a very volatile state lately. Last night I was up at 1:30 am, on youtube, almost crying watching Kerri Strug nail her second Vault for an Olympic Gold in 96.

Last thursday I almost walked right out on my job. which isn’t much of one to begin with. Apparently I don’t put clothes on the floor fast enough. I was not aware that “sprinting frantically around like I’m on fire” was the desired work speed.

This has been one of the more difficult Surges to plan yet. Big ups to Alex and Cassie for their fantastic help. Most others have fallen by the wayside somehow, intentionally or not.

Not sure why I’ve been this way though. I’m restless, I guess. emotionally, and career-ally. Restless and Stressed. Hence Volatile.

But I am currently too overwhelmed with life to worry about restlessness.

Tonight is band practice. Tomorrow night is Surge rehearsal. Wednesday night is Surge. Thursday I work at BR all day and then Thursday night AND Friday night Moodhosa is playing shows in town.

I can be a hero, just for one week. I hope I don’t majorly bomb on any of those responsibilities.

2010: The pain of change.

It’s worth it.
It’s going to be worth it.