¿random glimpse of transparency?

it’s so much harder than it looks i’m so messed up in the head right now just right now not 5 hours ago and probably not when i wake up tomorrow only now i’m just in a weird mood some kind of amalgam of thoughts of christianity and kissing and an out of body experience where i see myself fall into a trap, but its a memory of the other eighteen times i have done that in my life or is it is that part real or part of the dreaming its very very frustrating i’m not even talking about her YOU thats who stakes they change and so do people and maybe chances but my luck not so much stuck in the same rut again i will fight my way out this is sparta and i must be physically perfect and angry too and why did you think i’m growing a beard anyway because i must immerse myself in the thoughts and lifestyle of discipline and man-ness because my growth is found in there somehow there has to be some way to be who i am and still make who i am better and thats the precarious balance i strive to maintain to lose the latter is to accept the defeat of the former and that will not work for me because the pain of remaining the same has become greater than the pain of change and that means change not rolled coin just pure silver and copper thrown out of the cargo pants of missing car stereos and early morning trips to the gym and letting the awkward silence fly out and then doing something about it lose a friend sure if thats the cost of making myself better and conquering the fear of failure vulnerability is the only context of love anyway it only makes sense things be that way and by the way i have not touched alcohol tonight for those who just might think my rambling tongue is the young of the passion of more alcohol than my common sense can handle no such thing only and overflowing sense of biting my tongue and typing everything here instead and now i’m very sleepy and i have to get up early to start this vision into reality a seeming impossibility in many ways for me but in closing if you are a girl and have the inkling to plant one on me don’t hesitate it will bring a smile to my face and no thats not desperation just the random location that three twenty two finds me traveling through. goodnight.

what a crazy week.

what a crazy week.

events have transpired. thoughts and feelings are so jumbled and fragmented.

 But… there is a sense of security about myself right now for some odd reason. a few growing tensions in my life have now burst…

.a sense of pain but relief is present.

8 and a half and holding.

bold moves are right around the corner.

i am no longer involved with quest.
ironically, ending that “Quest” is my way of starting another.
I will miss what i had at Quest. maybe things will happen in such a way that a reunion of sorts will at some point occur.

it is a scary feeling to let go of the church style that you have grown up with your whole life. But exciting in that i am stepping through a wardrobe into a completely different world, where i hope to meet Aslan, the savior of my life.

I am publicly honoring Scott Taylor for his words of encouragement and friendship. It is a not-often-felt experience for someone to passionately vocalize desire for my growth much more than desire that i continue to play drums for him. He is a good friend to me.

on another note, sunday nights are probably going to be good. started getting together with some friends to, meet, fellowship, talk about things that matter, and some that don’t, and enjoy the finer thing in life. namely, Sam Adams. lol. it looks to be a very good thing to have.

also, a big public “two e-props” “two kudos” goes to Rachael Putty for winning the Aveda Rock the Runway! Competition this past weekend in
Tampa. just one more reason she is awesome with a capital awe.

i haven’t blogged as much for various and sundry reasons.time being a good one.

 and my journey into learning the proper balance of transparency.
Being too transparent comes with a danger of becoming shallow, at least in appearance. When all that is all that is you is viewable from the surface level, You lose a sense of depth.
And nothing is more of a surface-level view than reading someone’s blog… 

monday update:

damn…

someone broke in my car.

they took my stereo (an old sony tape deck [why]), my cell phone, and my drumsticks.

so. that was a terrible way to start my week.

i don’t have anyone’s number.

call me.

or text me with your name, so i’ll have it.

off to get my car lock fixed…

6 hours later…

sorrow and solace.

my car was not finished today. i have to take it back tomorrow during my lunch break to drop it off, and, because they didn’t finish it in time, are giving me rides to and from work after lunch and when i get off.

solace.

I got a new phone and new drumsticks and stick bag.
here’s a photo of the new sticks and bag that i took with my phone’s 2 MP camera:

on the other hand, i still need numbers people…

adios.

what a monday…

andrew

first at-work blog.

i am having 5 gummi bears courtesy of WaMu for breakfast.

they don’t go well with coffee…

i am so glad it’s the weekend.