chapter 26: quarter life crisis.

“Got a brand new blues that I can’t explain, Who did you think I was?
You got my number but I always knew the score, Who did you think I was?
Will I keep shining til my light is gone? Who did you think I was? ” – JM

“Second best, oh second best
I can learn to live with this
Plus I really need a rest
After all what’s wrong with second best?” -DB

i’m so worried at the moment.

my life. my health. my age.

i have no time for the fun things i want to do, let alone all the healthy,responsible things and habits i should doing and developing. where is all this time supposed to come from?? I feel like my life is playing in fast forward but that slower search one, where you can still hear the audio… it’s just really fast… too fast to really make out what’s going on and far too fast to enjoy watching…or living…

my immediate answer? Not a second more than 6 hours of sleep. I know that is enough. I just have to ignore the feelings when i awake. then i’ll have time to work out. to pray. to read. get to work a little early, unrushed. get off on time, not feeling like i’ve half-assed it… time to go home and make food… to save money… to stay on budget… to get out of debt… to control my finances…

Is it this hard for everyone?
Am I crazy? It’s possible.

love. life. lakeland.

so, i’m in lakeland.

and for whatever reason, i’m blogging.

i don’t do it much anymore. i don’t know why.

i’m 26 now. i feel very old. i am very much having a quarter life crisis. thanks john for giving me the term for the stirring in my soul.

I think about what i have always said i wanted to be and i look at me now. and how i am not that person. That’s a bit depressing. also motivating. we’ll see if it works.

catching up with tim. stopped by to see amanda. that was interesting.

more later.

free fallin’

I bought the new john mayer live dvd tonight. i have watched about half of it.

amazing.

i am adding it to my bucket list:
Jam out with John Mayer.

Also… i guess i should say a quick word about surge.

It went better than I was expecting it to.

I see (at least) two major ways to grade a surge.

1. technical execution, how smoothly everything actually happened live; and
2. content/narrative, was that an astonishingly well done narrative with clips and skits that blew your mind and hit you with Truth from sources you weren’t even expecting (sacred in secular).

For the former we did just great. And i am very glad for that, because i was very worried about that. I wasn’t able to really secure or talk to my tech guys until 2 hours before surge.

For the latter, I was overall very disappointed. It’s not so much a “what defines a surge” thing to me as much as it is a “what can i produce or direct that makes me feel most close to God/ most kingdom bringing/ most calling-fulfilling” sort of thing.

That is also NOT to say the people didn’t perform well at all. On the contrary, i was entertained and moved by everyone’s wonderful work dramatically.

it’s late. maybe more thoughts later.